the hypothetical wren

I am very sore right now. I started physical therapy yesterday, and while it felt good at the time, the end result is that the entire lower half of my body is aching. Going to the physical therapist is interesting. Most of the doctor’s offices in the student health center (or anywhere, really) are decorated with posters like You and Your Lower Back (we’re not having the best of relationships these days) and racks of STD-prevention brochures. [1] The physical therapist’s office, however, is full of candles, paintings of dolphins, and little Buddha statues, and you lie on a big purple futon for treatment.

The guy I had an appointment with was pretty good. He was very calming and had a good sense of humor about what we were doing. He was worried about having too much of a sense of humor, though, as he started laughing when I told him about breaking my leg a couple of years ago. [2] This leg was important for other reasons, as well. I didn’t do physical therapy after my injury, for various reasons, even though I was off of my right leg for almost six months. I have favored my left leg over my right ever since, and this has left the left and right sides of my body seriously out of alignment, which is contributing to my back issues. [3] So we did these exercises intended to get them more in sync, and I left the session feeling generally relaxed. More relaxed than I’ve been in a long time. [4] However, messing with the alignment of your bones makes walking and doing other things a whole new sort of challenge, so today, I am sore.

I kind of put the Naming of the Vacation Photos on hold for a bit for schoolwork and doctor’s visits, but if you’re interested in seeing them in their current raw and undescribed state, you can see them here: San Francisco 2005. Note: they are not in chronological order.

[1] My favorite doctor’s-office poster ever was the one in the x-ray room at my old orthopedic surgeon’s office, which was Great X-Rays of the NFL. It depicted all sorts of interesting football-related x-rays, ones where bones were completely out of whack, broken in multiple places, etc., etc. It made whatever injury you yourself were there for seem insignificant by comparison.

[2] I broke my leg in three places while in the process of changing a light bulb. It is a funny story.

[3] What is officially wrong with my back is that the small spinal curvature that I’ve always had in my lower back has become worse, and some of the discs between my vertebra have become seriously compressed.

[4] I actually attained the same level of relaxation while I was in the airport coming back from San Francisco. My flight was delayed three hours, but while I was waiting, I realized that I didn’t care all that much, that I was going to get back to ABQ somehow anyway. It was this odd feeling, as if all of these random worries just suddenly went away and I was ten pounds lighter. Everyone else around me was freaking out, though.

There probably won’t be a lot of updates until Thursday evening or so. I have three books to read before then, and a lot of medical crap to deal with. I mean, it’s only Tuesday morning, and I’ve been to the student health center three times already this week…

(not for anything serious, though)

This is not a springlike Saturday afternoon. It’s cold, windy, and rainy. It required me to get out the raincoat and (horrors) wear socks when I went out this afternoon. At least I got to wear the socks I bought in SF: grey with big black skulls on them, which look intriguing with my mary janes. [1]

I didn’t go on my planned Lollicup expedition today, for the simple fact that getting up into the vehicle with my back in the state that it is would have required too much contortion. (Hopefully, it will be easier tomorrow, when I drive out to Almost Rio Rancho to go to an Easter barbecue.) Walking, however, actually makes my back feel better, so I used that excuse to walk down to the Guild to go see a movie.

In The Realms of the Unreal was good, but very claustrophobic. This documentary is about Henry Darger, a Chicago janitor who, during his lifetime, wrote a 15,000 page novel and hundreds of 12-foot-wide drawings about an epic fantasy war between good and evil, where most of the characters are preadolescent girls, soldiers, or dragon-like creatures with the heads of kittens and other animals. No one knew he was writing or drawing these things while he was alive, since he was a recluse, and didn’t seem to intend that anyone ever see his work.

Creating a documentary about someone few people knew would seem to be difficult: the visuals used are Darger’s own works, stock illustrations, shots of the room he occupied for years, and some interviews of his landlord and neighbors. Most of the visuals in the film are animated versions of his drawing, and after watching the film for a while, I almost felt as if I wasn’t really watching a documentary anymore; rather, I was watching a cartoon of a very strange story. The film felt claustrophobic because you’re immersed in the story of one man’s mind, and the world he created, for 80 minutes, with little respite. I enjoyed it, but also felt a bit relieved when it was over. One thing I was sort of interested in that the movie didn’t address is how Darger went from Chicago recluse to Beloved Art Figure after his death — I would have liked to know more about how word of his work spread, and how it’s been received by others. There wasn’t enough context, I guess, to let us know how it is that we all ended up watching — wanting to watch — a documentary about this artist. (God’s Ex-Boyfriend has a review of the movie, as well, which I stumbled across this morning.)

After the movie, I really needed some creme brulee and coffee. I tried to start one of the books I have to read for next Thursday while I was eating, but I just couldn’t get into it. Codeine haze is good for watching movies about recluses with rich inner lives, but not that good for preparing to write a six-page comparative review.

[1] I love these socks, but when I look at them on my feet, sometimes I think, hey, you’re too old to wear these convincingly. Usually, the thought passes quickly. It could be argued, though, that I have (or should have) too much gravitas to set foot in Urban Outfitters.

My back feels better, even though it is still sore, and getting in and out of chairs is a real pain in the ass.

Tylenol with codeine makes me feel strangely blissful and contented with life. It’s a feeling I only experience once in a while (when I’m on vacation or on sunny weekend mornings when I have a good cup of coffee), so I’m enjoying it while I can, even if it comes in pill form.

I don’t have anything due until next week, which is another pleasant feeling. I’ve been slammed ever since I got back from SF, with grading and studying and being sick, so I plan to take it easy this weekend and try to heal. I want to see In The Dreams of the Unreal, the documentary about Henry Darger that is playing at the Guild, and have something to drink at the new bubble-tea place (I went there about a week ago, and enjoyed my strawberry milk tea. The place has great decor and good hours, but I was, surprisingly, the only person there: go, people!), and catch up on all the back issues of magazines I have laying around.

I uploaded the rest of my SF pictures yesterday, but I still have to rename them and give them captions. Typepad photo albums are best if you don’t have a whole lot of pictures in them, unfortunately: so far, the number I have is making looking at them sort of complicated and unwieldy…

Just when I was getting over my cold, another malady strikes.

Yesterday afternoon, i was feeling fairly okay. My cold wasn’t bothering me too much, so I thought about actually going out to the store to buy some more cold medicine, maybe some ice cream, and a crappy magazine or two, to keep my mind of my exam and various other anxieties. I changed out of my pajamas, and got my shoes on, and got up out of my living-room chair to go.

In the second or two that elapsed between sitting and standing, I managed to sprain my back. As I got up, I felt this intense pain in my lower back, as if someone was ripping it out with a knife. It hurt. I didn’t go anywhere, since I couldn’t stand up for more than a few minutes, nor sit comfortably, or get into bed without a lot of painful contortions. The few painkillers I had in the house didn’t really work on the pain, either.

It felt a little better this morning, but that’s not saying much. My walk to school was slow and sort of painful, and then I had to sit in tiny plastic chairs in class and take an exam (which went pretty well), and try to find the least painful position to sit in. Which is not the same as the least painful position to write in, unfortunately.

So I went to the student health center in the hopes that I they would tell me if it was something serious, and, more importantly, give me some good drugs. The conclusion is that I either sprained my back or slipped a disc. I have to go back next week for some x-rays and possibly (although I hope not) an MRI. In the meantime, I have good drugs, and orders to be in bed as much as possible the next few days. I can’t lift anything or bend over, though, so the general squalor level of my apartment — already high due to being gone and then being sick — will only rise….

I just want my body to stop whatever it thinks it’s up to. This is especially frustrating considering that this time last week, I was on vacation, and felt very calm, relaxed, and happy. I return to ABQ and everything goes to hell.